Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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