Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
