Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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