did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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