oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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