Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
