I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize