dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
