I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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