Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
