Im at strip club and am horny
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize