Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
