Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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