Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is wine microwaveable?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
