He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
