I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
