Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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