Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's blow job season.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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