as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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