a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
