I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
