She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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