well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
