Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize