my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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