This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are two peas in an std pod
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
