All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
