I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
