So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize