at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
