Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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