last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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