fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
