i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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