So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
