i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize