I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
