haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
