I looked at my own cervix.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize