O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
