did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
