At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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