Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
