I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
