so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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