remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
