Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
