she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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