Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
