I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize