she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
