i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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