I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
