he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
