Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
