He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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