How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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