Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
