He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
