I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
