thus making me awesome and them whores
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
