glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
