There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
