Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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