i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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