you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
