My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
