she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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