There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize