Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
