omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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