hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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