and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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