and you said cock pushups were impossible
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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