it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize