Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
