ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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