please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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