So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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