Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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