halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I believe in your delicious
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
