How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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