i may or may not be watching the land before time
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
