my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
