I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
