You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
