the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
