I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
