So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
