i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
