mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
