that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
