fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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