OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
