If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
