I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
