At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
