Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
