So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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