and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
