Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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