I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
