im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
