did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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