I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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