I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
