god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
