There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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