Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
