i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
