Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
