were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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