There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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