So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
