I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
