no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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