my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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