True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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